Completed

Dear wee one,
Yesterday we finally got our 100% completed and updated home study.
January 31, 2013.
Mama couldn't of been more excited, and even though I was almost positive it was our update,
I still had to open it up before we ran our errands to make sure.
We're ready for you!
After over a year of planning for you and thinking of you and wishing for you,
our paperwork finally matches our hearts.
When you're ready to make you appearance,
we'll be waiting, arms wide open.
I love you to the moon and back little one.
Always and forever.

Mama

Shopping may not cure the missing, but it helps.

Dear Sweet little,

Mama's been keeping herself busy searching for clothes for you and your brother.
Shopping may not be the cure, but it is a good remedy for all the missing we're doing over here.
Waiting has never been my strong point,
and waiting for two of my babies to get here is making me lonesome and anxious.
My arms ache and I wonder if you're being held, rocked, kissed.
Finley laughs and I wonder if you've smiled yet, and if that smile has dimples like his.
I wonder if you've seen the sun , or if you're still growing in your birth mama's womb like your brother is in mine.
We miss you lots and love you just as much.
I can't wait to cuddle you in my arms and whisper in your ears that you are where you belong.
All my love.
Mama

Today...

...I'm thinking of you my sweet little one.

I bought you and your brother the coolest pair of kicks yesterday. 

They were totally unnecessary, but more then ever worth it. 

Still no word from our social worker. 

I'm starting to think that you might not get here before your brother after all, 

and that makes me sad. 

I had pictured you to be a winter baby. 

I had pictured you asleep on my tummy.

A few months of bonding with your Papa and Finley and I before baby brother makes his appearance. 

I miss you so. 

Hugs and love where ever you are today. 

Know that you are loved more then you can even imagine, 

and hoped for with ever fiber of my being. 

I can't wait to snuggle you.

xxoo  

You

Dear Baby,

Tonight I am up thinking about you. Wondering where you are and when I will get to meet you.
Is it tomorrow? Is it this summer? Is it next week?
Will you have dimples like your brother?
Will you be itty bitty and oh so breakable or will you be chubby and sturdy and giggly and strong?

I wonder if you will know I am your mama the first day I hold you like your brother Finley did, or will you take some time to get used to me and know my voice?

I wanted you so desperately home for Christmas this year. I wanted to bundle you up beside your brother and take you home to meet your Aunts and Uncles and Grandparents.
I wanted to be up giving you kisses tonight and whispering against your forehead how much you are loved and adored.
Rocking you back and forth.
I wonder if you have been born yet? Have you had your first birthday?

So many unanswered questions keeping me up tonight.

I don't know much. But I do know, where ever you are my sweet one, you are loved and so desperately wanted and longed for.  

All my love.
Mama

Blood for a brother

Dear sweet baby,

I realized over last week that we still had to take your brother Finley to get a blood test done for your home study to be finished.

So yesterday, as soon as we could get an appointment, we bundled up and drove to Walnut creek.

We had went to the doctors right beforehand where he's got three shots, so when we got to Quest Finn was a little more then nervous. I told him it wasn't going to hurt like the shots had, it would just be a little pinch. But once we were sitting in the chair and I was holding him he started to turn away and fight and whimper. "Finley" I said "we have to do this, so you can get a brother." And just like that he stopped moving and let them draw his blood.
"I was brave" he said after.
And he was, all for you.

We miss you over here.

Hugs and Kisses.

Dad, Mama and your brave big brother Finley

Stylish baby

Dear Baby,

Mama bought you some cool new pants a few weeks ago. I can't wait to see you in them. If you're anything like your brother, you'll be able to rock them like they were made for you, which, in theory, I guess they were. I got pants for baby you, pants for toddling you, and pants for Finn to wear now and you to grow into. I also scored a darling little hat yesterday that will keep your little head nice and toasty this spring.

I'm missing you everyday and can't wait to kiss your little toes.

Hugs and Kisses.

Mama

Missing you

Dear Baby,
No new news, but I'm thinking of you today as I always seem to find myself doing these days.
As I do dishes I'm wondering where you are.
If you've been born yet.
If your first mama pats her belly and sings lullabies to you, or if you're breathing air, seeing light and bundled in blankets today.
Are you getting rocked to sleep at bedtime?
We talk of you daily, Finley, Daddy and I, and not a day goes by that we don't miss you.
I know it's hard to imagine missing someone you haven't met yet, but I do miss you. 
Terribly.
There's an empty spot in my arms, close to my heart, where you should be. 
There's this feeling that the three of us are no longer complete like we used to be.
That something is missing.
And sometimes my heart aches so bad I don't know if I'll be able to stand the hours and days until I get to see your face, hold you in my arms and know your name.
I love you my sweet little and I can't wait to kiss your cheeks and snuggle you close to me.
Lots of love today and always and forever.
Mama