You

Dear Baby,

Tonight I am up thinking about you. Wondering where you are and when I will get to meet you.
Is it tomorrow? Is it this summer? Is it next week?
Will you have dimples like your brother?
Will you be itty bitty and oh so breakable or will you be chubby and sturdy and giggly and strong?

I wonder if you will know I am your mama the first day I hold you like your brother Finley did, or will you take some time to get used to me and know my voice?

I wanted you so desperately home for Christmas this year. I wanted to bundle you up beside your brother and take you home to meet your Aunts and Uncles and Grandparents.
I wanted to be up giving you kisses tonight and whispering against your forehead how much you are loved and adored.
Rocking you back and forth.
I wonder if you have been born yet? Have you had your first birthday?

So many unanswered questions keeping me up tonight.

I don't know much. But I do know, where ever you are my sweet one, you are loved and so desperately wanted and longed for.  

All my love.
Mama

Blood for a brother

Dear sweet baby,

I realized over last week that we still had to take your brother Finley to get a blood test done for your home study to be finished.

So yesterday, as soon as we could get an appointment, we bundled up and drove to Walnut creek.

We had went to the doctors right beforehand where he's got three shots, so when we got to Quest Finn was a little more then nervous. I told him it wasn't going to hurt like the shots had, it would just be a little pinch. But once we were sitting in the chair and I was holding him he started to turn away and fight and whimper. "Finley" I said "we have to do this, so you can get a brother." And just like that he stopped moving and let them draw his blood.
"I was brave" he said after.
And he was, all for you.

We miss you over here.

Hugs and Kisses.

Dad, Mama and your brave big brother Finley