You

Dear Baby,

Tonight I am up thinking about you. Wondering where you are and when I will get to meet you.
Is it tomorrow? Is it this summer? Is it next week?
Will you have dimples like your brother?
Will you be itty bitty and oh so breakable or will you be chubby and sturdy and giggly and strong?

I wonder if you will know I am your mama the first day I hold you like your brother Finley did, or will you take some time to get used to me and know my voice?

I wanted you so desperately home for Christmas this year. I wanted to bundle you up beside your brother and take you home to meet your Aunts and Uncles and Grandparents.
I wanted to be up giving you kisses tonight and whispering against your forehead how much you are loved and adored.
Rocking you back and forth.
I wonder if you have been born yet? Have you had your first birthday?

So many unanswered questions keeping me up tonight.

I don't know much. But I do know, where ever you are my sweet one, you are loved and so desperately wanted and longed for.  

All my love.
Mama

Blood for a brother

Dear sweet baby,

I realized over last week that we still had to take your brother Finley to get a blood test done for your home study to be finished.

So yesterday, as soon as we could get an appointment, we bundled up and drove to Walnut creek.

We had went to the doctors right beforehand where he's got three shots, so when we got to Quest Finn was a little more then nervous. I told him it wasn't going to hurt like the shots had, it would just be a little pinch. But once we were sitting in the chair and I was holding him he started to turn away and fight and whimper. "Finley" I said "we have to do this, so you can get a brother." And just like that he stopped moving and let them draw his blood.
"I was brave" he said after.
And he was, all for you.

We miss you over here.

Hugs and Kisses.

Dad, Mama and your brave big brother Finley

Stylish baby

Dear Baby,

Mama bought you some cool new pants a few weeks ago. I can't wait to see you in them. If you're anything like your brother, you'll be able to rock them like they were made for you, which, in theory, I guess they were. I got pants for baby you, pants for toddling you, and pants for Finn to wear now and you to grow into. I also scored a darling little hat yesterday that will keep your little head nice and toasty this spring.

I'm missing you everyday and can't wait to kiss your little toes.

Hugs and Kisses.

Mama

Missing you

Dear Baby,
No new news, but I'm thinking of you today as I always seem to find myself doing these days.
As I do dishes I'm wondering where you are.
If you've been born yet.
If your first mama pats her belly and sings lullabies to you, or if you're breathing air, seeing light and bundled in blankets today.
Are you getting rocked to sleep at bedtime?
We talk of you daily, Finley, Daddy and I, and not a day goes by that we don't miss you.
I know it's hard to imagine missing someone you haven't met yet, but I do miss you. 
Terribly.
There's an empty spot in my arms, close to my heart, where you should be. 
There's this feeling that the three of us are no longer complete like we used to be.
That something is missing.
And sometimes my heart aches so bad I don't know if I'll be able to stand the hours and days until I get to see your face, hold you in my arms and know your name.
I love you my sweet little and I can't wait to kiss your cheeks and snuggle you close to me.
Lots of love today and always and forever.
Mama

Dear Readers {& baby too} 
For a few months now I have been working on a collection of photographs worthy of selling. All profit from the photographs will be going directly to our adoption fund to bring Finley's brother or sister home. We are adopting domestically this time, but the cost are still high, and every penny counts as Finley can tell you. ;)

Feel free to pass this link on and share it with anyone you think might want a few pretty pictures for their home~!
I hope you enjoy!

http://abiqphotography.zenfolio.com/p139490929

xo

Final visit

Dear Baby,

Today we had our social worker visit, and we took a photo to remember it by. See all that room on the couch beside us? It's just waiting on you to fill it. Every time we take a photo of our little family of three lately it feels like something is missing. I'm more then certain that missing piece is you.

We love you bunches.

Hugs and kisses where ever you are.

Love, Dad, Mama and Finn

Table for four please

Dear Baby, 

Today we are announcing to the world that you are going to be ours. Not that we know anything about you, but just the fact that there is going to be a you. And hopefully, sooner then later. 

We've been organizing Finley's closet to make room for your little clothes and mama has been buying little vintage outfits to dress you in. This one is one of my favorites. I can't wait to see you in it.  

I love you to the moon and back. 

Mama

The brother jar

Dear Baby,

Every day, all day long, when Finn spots a coin on the ground he picks it up and comes running to me. "For my brudder" he says, holding the coin up for me to see. He's always so proud of himself and so excited to show me.

If we're home we run to the office and pull down the jar on the bookshelf. We make a grand affair out of saving our pennies for you. If we're out he puts the coin in his pocket for safe keeping.

We've been doing this every day for almost a year now.

Aunt Lyndsie and Bentlee had a jar too, so now we have two almost full baby brother jars on our little bookshelf in the office. Waiting to be cashed in.

Of course, if you're a sister we'll have a little crossing out to do, but really, we don't care if you're a brother or a sister, son or daughter. All that matters is that you're you. We'll love you all the same.

Counting pennies and dreaming of you.

Hugs and love.

Mama

Today

Dear baby,
We have been thinking about you a lot this summer, filling out home study paperwork and talking to Finn about you every day.

We ask him all the time if he wants a brother or a sister and everyday he changes his mind.
Sometimes he wants a sister so he can be Charlie and she can be Lola, but when he's playing with his guns or cars he'll say he wants a "brudder". I don't think he understands quite yet that a sister can rough and tumble as much as any boy and a brother could be Charlie and Finley. I told him that the other day and he beamed. Really, I know he will love you no matter what you are. He's just ready to be a big brother.

And you little one, are you ready to have a big brother? Are you ready to be cuddled and kissed and loved so much you just might explode? Because I'm pretty sure that's what all three of us here at home have planned for you. There's not going to be much tummy time for you with all the snuggles we have stored up.

Today we filled out our application with CAC, our consultant group and we left it open. Boy or girl, 0-1. We decided long ago we don't want to try and play God. We know the perfect baby for our family, sweet little you, is already out there waiting for us too. And we can't wait to meet you. 

I must admit, I do wonder almost daily if you are born yet or in your birth mama's belly still. I wonder how your feet will look. Will they be fat and round or long and skinny? Will you be tall like your brother? Will you have dimples and big squishy cheeks? Will you be tiny and newborn when we get you or will you be a tiny little teether with a row of bottom teeth?

I dream of you now, just like I did your brother Finley and I hope you know you are loved without a shadow of a doubt. Because you are.

I love you to the moon and back little bunny.

Hugs and kisses.

Your mama